hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
