I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
