I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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