dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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