Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
