After last night, I could never be a politician.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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