ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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