Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
