Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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