ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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