What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I think I won the penis lottery.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
