What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
