We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm passing your future prison.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
