I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
