Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
