i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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