They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
