I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
