This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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