Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
