Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
