So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
