Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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