Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
