WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
