Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
