My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
