I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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