Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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