After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
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Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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