ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
