I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
