That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
