I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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