Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
