Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
