Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
