My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
