It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
