can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
