wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
