my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart