I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.