her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.