my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.