where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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