Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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