Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
