My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
