I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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