I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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