Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
