If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
