Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
