The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
