Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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