god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
