I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
