I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
