Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
