I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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