I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
