I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
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