when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Less talking, more tequila
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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