Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
