it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
