Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
