I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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