We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
