why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
