I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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