we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
